Loneliness And Love
by CyborgRockStar
Summary: [discontinued] Kai and Tala were together, but Kai left Tala for Ray. Now, Tala is dead and Ray left Kai, leaving Kai feeling lost and confused, and turning to Tyson for love. But Tyson likes Hilary, and Hilary likes Kai. [multiple pairings]
1. Prologue

Hello all! I hope you enjoy the story. ;)

Warning: contains suicide

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade and never will. (What did you think?) It belongs to Aoki Takao.

Prologue

Tala's P.O.V.

Happiness is what I felt every time I was near Kai. We had gotten together, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Today was a horrible day. I had been feeling lonely, for I had been alone today; no one was around. I had been thinking of all the pain-filled memories I have of my childhood. I thought of all the strenuous training and all the times I could have been near Kai and he could have known my feelings for him. All I had today were painful thoughts.

Kai was out somewhere, I didn't know where, but I longed for him to be back with me so he could hold me in his arms and I could gently kiss him…. But now I know where he had been: with Ray. Today, he came back, and I greeted him with a kiss. When I pulled away, I noticed the hint of sorrow in his eyes. I inquired about this, and he told me he was leaving me for Ray. He told me he didn't love me anymore, he felt it better we just be friends, and he was going to start up with Ray. I swallowed that sadly; it added on to all the pain I felt from my memories.

Kai left shortly after informing me of the end of the romantic side of our relationship. We shared a final kiss before he left, but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to be with him still; I had felt so much for him. But, I guess he didn't feel as strongly towards me.

I've felt so much pain in my life, but when Kai and I were together, in each others' arms, sharing a kiss, when he was even near me, I felt my pain slip away. He was the only thing that mattered. He gave my life a purpose. But when, today, he left me for Ray, I felt crushed, I felt as if my heart had broken into a million pieces.

So now, here I stand, on the roof of a three-story building. I'm watching the sky turn pink and the clouds turn purple and the sun turn orange. It's such a majestic sunset, like the many I viewed with Kai. I have a bottle of pills in my hand in which I take some out of and swallow. I feel myself getting dizzy, and I take a few more. My vision's getting fuzzy and unfocused and my body feels numb, oblivious to my surroundings, though I can feel myself hitting the roof and falling. All I feel is falling as I slip away into darkness, an eternity of pain-free darkness…

Kai's P.O.V.

I told Tala I was ending our romantic relationship and starting one with Ray. As I walked away from the place Tala was staying at and back to Tyson's dojo where my team was staying, I felt something tugging at my soul. A little regret, maybe. Whatever it was, I pushed it back down, and I looked forward to the boy awaiting my return so we could watch the sunset together.

The next day was one of the worst days of my life. I got a call from Mr. Dickenson, and he told me Tala was dead, that he killed himself by taking pills and apparently the pills messed up his mind so badly, he fell off the roof.

I was sad all day, not expressing my emotions to anyone and keeping to myself. After a few days of life like that, I attended Tala's funeral. Mr. Dickenson came, out of respect, and so did the rest of the Demolition Boys. I went, of course, and Ray came for my emotional support.

That funeral dragged on forever, and I had never been more relieved to exit a building.

The days following, my heart was full of feelings. Sorrow was the main one; I had lost my best friend. Guilt; I knew it was my fault he killed himself. What other possible reason could he have had? Regret; what would have happened if I had stayed with him?

I avoided everyone, even Ray, though I longed to be with him, to have someone to comfort me. Of course, I showed no outward sign of this, but I secretly hoped Ray would notice my inner turmoil. I guess he figured I just wanted to be alone.

Finally, about a week after Tala's funeral, I decided I would go to Ray. We were in love now, and he would be there for me. I felt, in a way, bad about trying to be with Ray, because every time I thought about Tala, my heart would soar and sink at the same time. I felt love for him still, but he was gone, so it wasn't meant to be.

I went to Ray, and we sat alone in his room. I felt I could tell him my feelings and he would comfort me, just like in all of those pointless romance movies. We sat on his bed, and I tried to meet his eyes, but he did not want to make eye contact.

"Ray…there's…things I want to talk about with you."

"There's something I have to tell you."

Silence once again placed itself around us. After a few minutes of it, I spoke again.

"I…I…feel…as if…it is my fault Tala is gone."

"It is." I wasn't expecting such a reply, so I stopped.

Ray looked up at me. "I'm sorry, Kai."

I nodded. We stared at each other for a few moments, and I lost myself in his amber eyes as I had all the time in Tala's blue ones.

Ray's P.O.V.

Kai and I were sitting on my bed, sharing a silent moment looking into each others' eyes. I searched his eyes for emotion, and I was surprised this time to find a hint of sorrow. I guess I hadn't looked hard enough before.

I was going to break it off with Kai that day, as we were sitting on my bed, but I decided against it. Another day I would do it. I loved him but not enough to keep us going. I couldn't get comfortable in a relationship with him; he didn't show much emotion, occasionally he did and those moments I treasured, but also, he loved talking about Tala. I thought they were meant to be together, but Kai chose me and Tala chose death.

"Kai," I said, breaking the stillness. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He returned it as a kiss on my lips.

That night, we kissed and held each other. 'Maybe this relationship will work out…'

--Okay, that was most likely boring. Oh well. I was setting up the story. That's what a prologue's for…. Please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	2. Chapter One

Hey all! Thank you to **Bra-Two**, **Darks Light**, and **azn-hiwatari **for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.

Chapter One

Ray's P.O.V.

In the weeks proceeding Tala's funeral, Kai's emotional status seemed to be going back to normal. He was acting like his show-no-emotions self pretty much. The only thing missing was that he never made any acknowledgement that Tala ever existed.

I still wanted out of the romantic part of our relationship and to just be friends, and I decided, well, more like hoped, that he wouldn't have that bad of a reaction if I broke up with him. I wasn't expecting him to show any reaction at all, really. He didn't express feeling too often. But as I walked to his room one sunny day, I remembered all the times he opened up to me, even if it was just a little bit.

His door was, typically, closed. I gave it a knock and waited for a response. A few moments later, the door opened partially, revealing Kai.

"Yes?" he asked me expectedly.

"Um, Kai? There's something I need to tell you."

He stared at me, waiting for me to continue, showing no emotion.

I cleared my throat before continuing. "I…I want to end our romance. I think we should just be friends." We held eye contact, and I searched for emotion in those crimson depths.

"Why?" was the simple question, and it was just as void of feeling as his eyes.

"Well…I don't think we're meant to be together. But I still wanna be your friend."

Again, we held eye contact in a moment of silence. I was getting uncomfortable having him stare at me like that, but I forced myself to hold my gaze.

After a long wait, I said softly but meaningfully, "I'm sorry, Kai."

Another few noiseless moments passed between us, and he broke our eye contact by shutting the door.

I stared at the door, closed once again, wondering what was going through his mind. I hoped I had not hurt him, but I thought, 'I shouldn't worry about it. This is Kai we're talking about. But if I really did hurt him, I hope he will confide in someone. That brings me, once again, to "This is Kai we're talking about".'

Hilary's P.O.V.

If there was ever a silent and strong hottie on the planet, it was Kai. He's so serious and tough and dreamy…. I longed to be with him and have him hold me in those muscular arms.

But I knew of no way I could reach him, for when I spoke to him, he usually didn't respond, and when he did, I got tongue-tied. I thought that perhaps I could get to Kai through one of the Bladebreakers, and I decided on Ray.

I got the nerve up to go and talk to Ray, who I knew was in his room. Upon reaching my destination, I knocked on the closed door. Ray opened it and greeted me.

"Oh, hi Hil."

"Hi Ray. Um, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Well…" I trailed off, but what exactly was I supposed to say?

"What is it?"

I looked down at the floor. "Well, it's Kai. I know you're probably the best friend he's got, now with Tala being dead, and, well, I was wondering…. It's just, I want to…be with him. I want him to…be my boyfriend."

"What?"

Ray sounded shocked, and it made me look up. I ignored the surprise and continued so I could get it over with, because if I had stopped, I don't know if I would have ever been able to start again.

"So, could you, maybe, talk to him about it? I know you must think I'm chicken, not asking him myself, but I'm just too afraid."

Ray stared at me for a few moments, a shocked expression on his face.

"Why do you look like that?"

"Huh? Like what? Er, sure, Hil, I'll talk to Kai for you."

"Really?" My happiness definitely showed in my voice as I forgot Ray's shocked look. "Oh, thanks so much, Ray! I owe you big-time!" I hugged him and happily walked off.

Ray's P.O.V.

'Oh, great. This is just great. Totally freakin' great. I broke up with Kai not but a half hour ago and now I have to go tell him that Hilary has a crush on him! How the hell am I supposed to do that? Unless Kai is bisexual, this is not going to help anyone's life!'

"Damn it!" I said under my breath.

-Please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	3. Chapter Two

Yo y'all! Life going well?

Thank you to **Vicious-Loner** and **Darks Light** for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao etc. etc.

Chapter Two

Ray's P.O.V.

"Why'd I say yes?" I whispered to myself, annoyed. "I'm such a moron!" I sighed, trying to chill out. "Oh well…I guess I have to tell Kai now…I mean, it won't do any harm to him, right? Just Hilary. Though that's bad, I don't want to hurt Hilary. Besides, if Kai rejects her, she'll probably take some of it out on me, and he's obviously gonna reject her."

I flopped down on my bed, wishing I was never born. But I thought of an idea.

I got up, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and sat back down on my bed.

"All right, let's see…." I contemplated for a moment before scribbling down:

_Kai, Hilary has a crush on you. **DON'T CRUSH HER LIFE WITH ANYTHING CRUEL.** BE NICE TO HER. DON'T MISLEAD HER INTO THINKING YOU'RE STRAIGHT SINCE SHE'S TOO BLIND TO REALIZE YOU AREN'T STRAIGHT. I'm sorry about all this. Ray_

"Yeah…good enough." I left my room and went to Kai's. His door was still closed, so I just slipped the note under his door and went on my way.

I lay down on my bed for a while, thinking as I stared at the white ceiling. A knock on my door startled me back to reality.

"Come in!" I called. The door opened and Tyson strolled in, shutting the door behind him.

I sighed. "I'll make dinner soon, Tyson."

Tyson looked a bit startled. "Oh. Well, that was one of my questions." He cleared his throat. "Ray, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's about Hilary. See, I…have a crush on her. Do you know how I could get her? I mean, I know girls aren't your thing, but I think you're the best with advice." He was looking at the ground sheepishly as I stared at him thinking, 'Oh God…. This is gonna get messy.'

"Um, well… … … first off, don't tell her that you have a crush on her, don't even _insinuate _it. Just be yourself and act casual. Don't speak cruelly of other people, like _Kai_. Don't ever mention those people like _Kai_. Try to be around her though."

'There, hopefully if Tyson doesn't offend her because of a mean comment about Kai, she'll just forget she ever liked him. Yeah, uh-huh, _that_'ll work.'

Tyson looked at me blankly. "All right…. Uh, thanks."

He walked out of my room slowly, leaving me alone again.

"Guess I'll start dinner."

Kai's P.O.V.

'Don't think about Ray, don't think about Tala…'

I cut myself again, watching the blood stain my sheets. I had started cutting myself the day after Tala died, and the pain of Ray, my only comfort in life, leaving me caused me to do it more.

A tear slipped down my cheek, which I hurriedly wiped away. I made another cut in my left arm, which was quite mutilated.

I don't know how long I did that for, but finally I threw the razor at the wall, flustered with my life. I sat pathetically for a while, wishing I had someone to help me out. Eventually, I slid off of the bed and grabbed a sheet, which I wrapped around my arm so I could reach the bathroom without trailing blood.

I noticed a piece of paper by the door, so I knelt down and picked it up. I read Ray's handwriting, though I didn't know what to make of the information presented in it. I couldn't have cared less about Hilary and her stupid shit. I crumpled up the note and left it on the floor, continuing to the restroom.

I locked the door once I was inside the bathroom. I pulled off the sheet and began cleaning up my arm and blood-stained hand. I tried with great conviction to get Ray and Tala out of my head, but thoughts of them lingered. I felt tears in my eyes, but I managed to hold them back.

Finally, I was done scrubbing, and I cut off the blood discharge with tightly-wrapped gauze.

I stared at myself in the mirror, and I wondered what it was that I did that Ray left me.

A knock was heard on the door, but I didn't respond.

"Kai?" came Tyson's voice. I pulled my shirt sleeve down so that the gauze wouldn't show, and I wrapped up the sheet, holding it out of sight as I opened the door a little bit.

"Dinner's ready. You hungry?"

I hesitated before responding. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Tyson shrugged. "If you say so. Come down if you're hungry." He strolled away.

'No…I can't eat even if I am hungry. Ray left me for a reason. Could it have been my appearance?'

**DUN DUN DUN DUN! The plot thickens! Please review!**

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	4. Chapter Three

Heylo! Thank you to **Hutchy**, **SweetStealer**, **ERALDA**, **Tsuki Angel**, and **Vicious-Loner** for reviewing!

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Warning: eating disorder type of stuff

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs toAoki Takao.

Chapter Three

Tyson's P.O.V.

Kai eventually did come down to eat, but he was finished after all of us. He hung around in the kitchen a while, ignoring everybody. I didn't pay any mind to him or to Max, Kenny, and Ray, who went out of the house somewhere. Instead, I focused my thoughts on other things.

'Man, that meal was good! If I could sigh contentedly in my head, I would just about now…. Oh, there's Hilary! Man… her lips look like they would taste even better than food…. Wait. Better than food? Hm, maybe not _better_ but…equal to. Yeah, equal to. Still…. Okay, Ray told me to act casual. And he mentioned Kai a couple of times, actually. Man, is he _sure_ he's over Kai? Whatever. All right, I'm going over to Hilary….'

Hilary was sitting on the couch, by herself, just waiting for a great guy like me to come and kiss her. Ah, yes, I was her Prince Charming. There was room on the couch for another person, which I was sure she reserved _just_ for me and no one else.

I walked over to her, trying to remain calm. I flopped down next to her. "Hey Hil. What's up?"

She looked at me, and I felt like I was going to melt. "Nothing. Just watching TV."

"I thought you could use some…company." I tried very hard to keep my eyes off of her chest.

"Company? I know I sure wouldn't choose you as someone to hang out with." For some reason, her eyes took on a dreamy, far-off look.

My heart ached a little bit but I ignored it. "Oh? And who would you want to spend time with?"

She was silent for a moment. "Oh…no one in particular." She turned back to whatever show she had been watching, still with a bit of a far away look in her pretty, deep eyes.

'Hmm…there's someone she likes. Maybe that's me…'

I got up and started up to my room, my thoughts of Hilary overpowering my thoughts of food.

On the way to my room, I had to pass the bathroom. I broke into my own thoughts, realizing I had to go. The door was shut so I sat down, leaning on the wall next to the bathroom door.

Everything was quiet, allowing me some peaceful Hilary thinking. I heard the noise of vomiting coming from the bathroom, which snapped me back to reality.

'Kai's the only other one here. Maybe he didn't want to eat because he was sick. Hm, I better check on him. Anyway, the sooner I do that, the sooner I can contemplate Hilary.…'

I stood up and knocked on the door. "Kai? You okay in there?"

No response. I rolled my eyes. 'He probably doesn't want help. Typical…' "Kai? Answer me or I won't leave you alone."

I heard silence before a weak "I'm fine".

"Okay, good." I sat back down against the wall, waiting for Kai to emerge.

Kai's P.O.V.

I eventually left the bathroom and ate some dinner, thoughts flooding my mind. After my slow meal and hanging around the kitchen, I came back to the bathroom. I stared at the clear water of the toilet, wondering if I should make myself throw up or not.

'There's got to be a reason Ray left me. If I look better, maybe he'll come back to me.'

I knelt down in front of the toilet, sticking my finger down my throat, tasting the vomit as it left my body, feeling the tears as they left my eyes.

This went on for a minute or two before I heard a knock on the door, followed by Tyson's voice. "Kai? You okay in there?"

I sat down on the floor, closing my eyes, trying to find my voice so I could make him go away. 'Why isn't Ray here for me? Why Tyson?'

"Kai? Answer me or I won't leave you alone."

I regained my voice. "I'm fine," I managed. 'That sounded so weak…Fuck…' Tears crept down my cheeks as I failed to choke them back.

"Okay, good," Tyson's voice came again. 'Leave me alone, Tyson. I want Ray… I want Tala…'

Eventually, I pulled myself together. I forced back any more tears that wanted to fall. I stood and flushed down the contents of my stomach. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment.

"I hate you…," I whispered to my reflection. "I hate myself."

Tyson's P.O.V.

Kai came out of the bathroom looking all serious as usual. "You okay?" I asked automatically. Sure, I was worried about Kai, he's my friend after all, but my mind was lost in Hilary and I figured he'd be okay since he's always okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Hmmm."

I wandered into the bathroom, not knowing what Kai had been doing, just thinking about Hilary.

-Please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	5. Chapter Four

Greetings again! How's life going?

Thank you to:

**RavenToriBlack**: Heya! Please update your fic soon, it's awesome! Can't wait for the others to be up again.

**jadestar123**: Yo! Thanks for reviewing "I'm Walking Down The Boulevard".

**Vicious-Loner**: Hello! I like your penname, it's cool!

**Darks Light**: Hi! It's so cool you're reading my fic, you're such an awesome author!

**Mistress-of-eternal-Darkness**: Konnichiwa! I don't know if this is gonna be KaiRay, actually. Hee hee, I'm undecided. I like your penname too!

**ERALDA**: What up? I don't think there's gonna be a KaiHil moment, since Kai's homosexual, sorry.

**Hutchy**: Howdy! I like your reviews, it's cool how there's always a thoughtful question in them.

Thanks all, and sorry it's been so long since I updated this; I had a lack of inspiration and interest.

Hope you enjoy this chappie!

Disclaimer: I don't own stuff. Well, I do, but oh well, not Beyblade.

Chapter Four

Tyson's P.O.V.

I was relaxing outside, lying in the soft grass, staring at the sky. It was a sunny, warm, bright day, with a few clouds were rolling by. It's fun to look at clouds and imagine what they look like, and all I could see in the clouds was Hilary.

I sighed with contentment. Nothing would disturb the peaceful happiness inside of me today. But something broke into the tranquil quiet of nature. It was Max's voice.

"Tyson! Tyson! Guess what!"

My best buddy ran up to me and flopped onto the ground. A piece of paper was clutched in his hand.

"The All Starz are coming to visit us!"

"Really?" I sat up, interested. "When?"

"In a few days! Man, I can't wait!"

I laughed at the childlike mirth plastering my friend's features. "Why you so excited, Maxie?"

Max chuckled nervously. A blush tinged his cheeks as he replied, "Well…I kind of…_like_ Emily. You know…." He grinned sheepishly, blush deepening.

"Oooh, Max has a _crush_," I taunted, nudging him in the ribs with my elbow. I never told him about my own crush.

We stayed there, laughing together, chatting for awhile.

Kai's P.O.V.

The roomwas dark and empty. It seemed like it'd been an eternity since food had stayed in my stomach. I didn't know where anyone else is, and I didn't care. They just left me alone, thought I wasfine,went on with their joy.

But I wasn't fine.

I looked at myself in the mirror of the bathroom, without a shirt on. I'd had to tighten my belt recently, so I knew I'd lost weight. I didn't think anyone else noticed. That saddened me. I wanted Ray to notice; I wanted him to notice and come back to me.

But then, inside my mind, there wasa part of me that argues that. It said to forget about Ray and look to the future. And forget about Tala.

I tried with all of my soul to forget Tala. My memories of him caused me nothing but pain, nothing but suffering. Maybe I deserved the suffering, but I avoided it and kept living my pathetic life.

Arguing and disputes were in my head all the time, and sometimes I wondered if I had some form of paranoia or something.

But I tried to forget it all, suppress the memories like I did with the memory of Black Dranzer, but I couldn't forget anything unless I wascutting my arm to shreds.

That wasmy escape from the place people call the world.

Ray's P.O.V.

I launched Driger again, and I watched the 'blade spin. It soothes me, calms me, clears my mind to beyblade, my passion. But my mind strayed to Kai. He wasso different, seemed thinner, more quiet than usual…and I wondered if he was going through some kind of post-traumatic stress.

Hilary lost some of her pep. Kai hadn't really said a word to her, just left her waiting for him to return her feelings. But, of course, he didn't. I had a feeling that Kai wanted Tala, and that he was emotionally in pain because of their mistakes.

But I tried not to think about it all and just watch Driger spin.

Max came bounding up unexpectedly, and Driger returned to my palm obediently.

"Hey, Ray, the All Starz are coming to see us in a few days! I can't wait!"

I must be skilled in reading people's crushes, or maybe it was obvious to everyone, but I could tell that Max and Emily liked each other more than they let on.

"Great. It'll be great to see them."

"Totally! Hey, practicing with Driger?"

"Yeah."

Max pulled out Draciel. "How 'bout a quick match?"

"Sure."

Max, even when he didn't try, was always good at cheering you up when you werefeeling down.

Later that night, after everyone was in bed, I was sitting in the kitchen, enjoying some warm milk before heading off to bed. Unexpectedly, Kai walked in.

"Oh, hey, Kai."

Kai slid into the chair next to me at the table without responding. I stared at him, sorrowfully.

"Is something wrong, Kai?"

He refused to make eye contact. "No."

"You're more pallid than usual. You seem thinner."

Here, he looked up at me. "You noticed?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. Are you sick? Tyson heard you throwing up in the bathroom before."

Again, Kai made no response. He stared at me, and suddenly, he leaned in and kissed me gentlyon the cheek. Stunned, I said, "Kai? What are you doing?"

No reply came verbally, but he kissed me again on the cheek.

For reasons unknown to me, I felt an urge to kiss him back. So, I did, on the cheek.

'What am I doing? I can't do this.'

Kai kissed me again, but on the lips. He grasped my arms and pulled them to his abdomen, pressing my hands against his stomach.

My amber eyes widened with shock. I yanked myself from his arms and pulled his shirt up. He was thinner than he'd ever been around us, nearing a scary-thin.

"Oh my God, Kai…"

Suddenly, things clicked in my brain. The throwing up, the abrupt weight loss, the surprise at me noticing…

"Kai? Have…you been making yourself…vomit?"

Kai didn't respond, but he didn't kiss me either.

He slowly rose from his chair, no emotion showing whatsoever, and ambled off down the hallway.

I stared after him in disbelief.

Tyson's P.O.V.

I couldn't sleep. It was truly unimaginable to me that Hilary could be on my mind so much. Maybe just as much as food, if I dare say so. I couldn't stand the dark and the silence in my room, so I got up and decided to go back outside and relax again for awhile, since it was so calming.

I threw on my clothes and headed outside. I saw Ray in the kitchen, drinking something, but I decided I wouldn't bother him and I'd just let him chill out by himself.

The night air was moist and refreshing. Crickets chirped gleefully and fireflies glittered all over the place. I lied down in the same spot as earlier, but this time my eyes met with the night sky filled with stars and the moon.

"Hilary…"

I don't know for how long I lay there in my peaceful little realm, but it was quite some time, I think. After a while, I heard some clamoring behind me. I sat up and turned around, and I was surprised to see Kai climbing up onto the roof of the dojo.

I silently watched my friend, wondering what he was doing, and then, when he came to the edge of the roof, it became apparent.

xcx

Mwahaha…come back for more next chappie!

Please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	6. Chapter Five

Hey everyone! Thank you to **Mistress-of-eternal-Darkness**,** jadestar123**,** Darks Light**,** Sciko**,** catseyes77**, and** Kais Devil **for reviewing:) Read on, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.

Chapter Five

Hilary's POV

I laid in the grassy field, staring mindlessly at the sky. The only noise I could hear was the breathing of my love, Kai, next to me on the earth. I glanced at him, and he glanced at me. Our eyes locked, and I smiled giddily. He flashed me a smile; a real smile, not a smirk. I melted inside.

He reached his graceful hand over, and stroked my hair, smile still hinted on his lips. I snuggled in closer to him, taking in the warmth of his body, and feeling the breath come from his nostrils. It was a moment to be treasured.

I rolled onto my side, and I wrapped my arms around Kai's torso. He pulled me in until I was on top of him. I giggled with delight and nervousness. Slowly, the gap of air between our faces grew smaller, as our lips threatened to interlock.

Closer…closer…

I could feel him breathing…

Closer…closer…

I could smell the mint lingering on his breath…

Closer…closer…

I could see the happiness dancing in his beautiful eyes…

Closer…closer…

I could feel my heart hammering…

Closer…closer…

Almost…lip-locked…

"KAI!"

I awoke with a start, ribbons of color dancing before my eyes at the sudden eruption of darkness. I glanced around, wondering who had just screamed, but I was more concerned with the dream I was just having.

"KAI!"

"It was getting to the best part. I was just about to kiss him," I complained in a murmur to myself.

"KAI! DON'T DO IT!"

A shout came again, muffled a bit by the window and wall. I recognized the voice as Tyson's.

"Wouldn't you know it; _Tyson_ ruined my dream."

"KAI! PLEASE DON'T!"

I sat there, angry at Tyson for a moment, before I realized what he was yelling. Interested, I hopped out of bed, threw on some clothes, and scurried out of my bedroom to the backyard, where Tyson's yells were coming from.

I was apparently late for the occasion because Tyson, Ray, Max, and Kenny were already outside. Each of them were staring up at the roof. Kenny looked as if he were about to be sick, Max looked about to cry, Ray looked just plain anxious, and to say that Tyson was 'just plain anxious' would have been a complete understatement. He looked utterly traumatized and scared and worried, and he was still yelling.

Curiously, I gazed up at the roof, and I gasped when I saw Kai staring blankly at the ground, on the edge of the roof. All other feeling zoomed away, and I suddenly felt nervous and afraid. I didn't believe I could watch someone commit suicide without completely breaking down, especially if it was my friend.

Tyson's POV

I stared wildly up at Kai, fear tingling my spine and anxiety pulsing through my nervous system.

"Kai…," I whispered, wide-eyed.

He was just staring at the ground, and I desperately hoped he was admiring the nice lawn job. But I knew this was no time for petty jokes.

Frantically, I thought of what I could do. I didn't know if I should climb up to the roof or not, because what if he jumped when I was climbing? Then again, what if he jumped while I was thinking of what to do to make him not jump? I was afraid to yell because I thought I might startle him so he would fall, but from years of experience with Kai, I figured he would hold in any outward signs of surprise.

So, I started screaming. "KAI!" I think he glanced at me, but other than that: nothing.

"KAI!" I yelled again.

Ray came strolling out of the house then, and I was so absorbed in my fear I didn't notice him until he was two feet away and gasped, saying, "Oh my God."

"Ray! What're we gonna do?"

"Shoulda known this was coming. Fuck," Ray mumbled to himself.

I thought I saw Kai move a little, so I shouted, "KAI! DON'T DO IT!"

Max and Kenny were suddenly there, also gazing up at our friend. None of them did anything, which I suspected was out of fear, but I was still somewhat peeved at that. Still, I persisted.

"KAI! PLEASE DON'T!"

Hilary showed up, too, and stared at Kai like the rest of us. I wondered how Kai felt with all eyes on him, because on the verge of suicide, I wouldn't want everyone staring at me.

I kept yelling at Kai, thinking of everything I could. Ray and Max joined in. I paused for a moment, sending up a prayer to some god for Kai's security.

Kai's POV

Tyson started yelling at me to not jump. What reason did I have to not jump and keep myself alive? But something was holding me back. Through my thoughts of worthlessness and sorrow and how I could never again be with Tala unless he went to hell and how I could never be with Ray again because he'd go to heaven and he hates me anyway…other thoughts broke in, ones not as dark.

For instance: Why was Tyson the only one truly trying to save me? Did someone care? Did someone love me? Did hope for me lie within the navy-haired teen I'd always cast aside as an overconfident, annoying friend I didn't need?

'Tyson…'

The others eventually came, and Ray and Max tried to get me to come down without jumping, but neither showed as much concern as Tyson.

'Tyson…'

Tears began forming behind my eyes, but I refused to let them slip free from their holds.

'Maybe…Tyson…is someone I can love…and will return my love.'

I glanced at Ray, and I mentally thrust aside my feelings for him.

'He's not worth anything. I trusted him with my feelings, something I don't share with people loosely. He betrayed my trust, and he doesn't care for me that much, probably never did. But Tala…'

I gazed up at the sky.

"I love you. But…it can't be. And that's your fault. Yeah, it is. I don't love you, I can't. You betrayed me, too," I whispered.

I glanced back down at Tyson. "And I can't kill myself in betrayal of Tyson."

I turned and descended the wall of the dojo, prepared to take on what I had to to be with Tyson.

"KAI!" all of my friends screamed. They ran over to me, and Tyson pulled me into an embrace. I tried with all that I had not to blush, and not to make eye contact with anyone. Tyson must have noted the sour feelings radiating from my heart. "Dude, are you okay?"

I said nothing, just shoved Tyson away lightly. I strode off into the dojo, hoping that he would follow me and keep holding me. But he didn't.

When I returned to my room, I slumped onto my bed. I kept back the tears still, and I lay unmoving, hoping Tyson would be the light that would brighten up my black mind.

* * *

I put in a KaiHil moment at the beginning, at request of a few of you. If it didn't satisfy you, oh well. There's fics out there that are KaiHil, eh? A recommendation of mine for KaiHil is StarlightPhoenix's "Our Lives in Rhyme".

Hope you enjoyed, please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	7. Chapter Six

Heya, peeps! Thanks to my ever-faithful reviewers: **Mistress-of-eternal-Darkness** and **Hutchy** for reviewing chappie five!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.

Chapter Six

Ray's POV

After Kai went off into the dojo, I ushered Tyson, Max, Kenny, and Hilary inside as well. I told them they best be off to bed again, but they ignored my suggestion and flopped down in the living room to talk. I took the responsibility of going to check on Kai, who was lying still in his bed, though he wasn't asleep. I didn't know what to do or say, so I watched him for a minute or two, then went back downstairs. He didn't acknowledge my presence.

None of the other four were talking; they were just sitting in various positions, staring at random objects mindlessly. I slumped down on a couch, and Kenny spoke up.

"That was…disturbing."

The rest of us nodded glumly in response.

"We have to do something for him," Kenny continued, looking up at each of us individually, searching for ideas, I suppose.

I pondered over this whole thing, knowing that the loss of Tala probably stimulated this attempt. And maybe…I did, too.

I wondered what was running through Kai's mind. I figured he made himself vomit to change his appearance; what other reason could there be? And he seemed so distant. Not to mention that suicidal thoughts aren't exactly normal. The only answer to Kai's problem that I could formulate was therapy. And so I suggested it.

"Therapy seems quite logical," Kenny agreed with me.

"But how are we supposed to get him to go?" Tyson put in, quieter than usual.

We all mulled over this statement, as it proved very true. It's not like he would willingly go anywhere we told him to, especially somewhere like therapy, judging by all past experience, since he did what he wanted to do.

Tyson sighed. "I don't know what we should do, guys, but we oughta do it fast."

"Someone should talk to him about going to some kind of therapy," Max offered.

"Ray's the best with that sort of thing," Hilary commented quietly, glancing into my yellow eyes with some imploring.

"No," I blurted out, without thinking it over. I didn't think I would be the best one to talk to Kai, especially if I was part of the reason he was going to kill himself.

"Why not? You'd be the best with it," Tyson asked.

"Just because," was my lame response. I wasn't in the mood to talk about my innermost thoughts.

"Then who'll do it?" Max inquired, seeming worried.

Nobody spoke for a long moment, until Tyson bravely volunteered for the job. Since none of the rest of us wanted to, we agreed that Tyson would talk to Kai tomorrow. After that, we discussed what he should say. None of us knew what he should say, though, so that was a trying task.

After much discussion, everyone went off to bed, worried and anxious. I lay in my bed, staring absently at the ceiling, hoping everything would turn out for the best. Since everyone seemed frazzled and stressed, I figured it was best if I carried alone the burden of knowing that Kai was bulimic. Thoughts of that and his suicide attempt pounded in my head, and I thought tiredly of my desire to sleep.This one time I figured ignorance would be bliss. Though I don't think I was the only one with a nearly sleepless night.

the next day

Kai's POV

I sat on my bed, slicing a razor blade through my skin. How alleviating it felt to be rid of my inner pain by the oozing of my blood.

Every time I stopped cutting a new line, thoughts swept back into my mind. I managed to push away Tala and Ray, but I kept thinking about Tyson. I longed for him to feel my pain and take it away, so we could just be together. But when I cut through my skin, nothing seemed to matter except for the blood dripping onto my bed sheets. It was a strange sensation, switching back and forth between thoughts depending on my actions. It was a seemingly never-ending oscillation of feelings. And somehow…it was calming.

But as I stared at blood caking parts of my left forearm, I realized that this was pathetic. It was pitiful that I would sink so low that to feel pleasure I would destroy my own body. Anger at myself welled up, and I felt the strongest urge to dig the razor into my skin to ease it away, but instead, I resisted the urge and threw the razor across the room. It hit the wall and clattered to the floor, leaving blood speckled here and there on the wall and floor.

I grabbed up a white sheet, and I firmly wrapped it around my bleeding arm, pressuring it to stop the outpouring of blood. Eventually, I unraveled the dyed-red sheet, and tossed it under the bed. I produced gauze from a drawer, and I swathed it around my arm tightly. I knew I should wash all of the cuts I made, but I was sort of hoping for a horrible infection, so maybe it would kill me, and they couldn't really label it suicide.

I sat on the bed, now with one less sheet, and I stared at the razor on the floor, dribbling crimson onto the wood beneath it. Tysonconstantly flashed through my brain, and I sighed heavily. Worthlessness and longing were prominent in the feelings that resided in my soul. Could I ever find someone to love me and steal away my pain forever?

A knock sounded on my door, and Tyson's voice floated in. "Kai? Can I come in?" He sounded more timid than usual, and I wondered why he of all people was at my door.

"Yes," I replied. I disliked the softness and weakness that lingered in my voice. Scowling, I shoved my sleeve down over the gauze.

Tyson slowly opened the door, and stepped inside. I stared icily at him, though I thought my heart rate may have increased a diminutive fraction. Tyson walked over to my bed and flopped down next to me, gaping mindlessly at the door that he closed behind him.

"There's something that I have to talk to you about," he started. "All of us…are concerned about you…because…you know…last night…yeah…uh…well…you know." He gulped nervously, and had I not been feeling so lousy and been craving him, I would have been amused by how stupid he sounded. "Anyway…we think that…you…need…," he trailed off, and I realized that the others must have been talking about me at some point and they sent Tyson to talk to me…meaning Tyson didn't come to see me out of his own accord. That panged sadness in my heart, just a little.

Tyson coughed unnaturally out of nervousness, and turned his eyes to look into mine. "What I'm trying to say is, Kai…we think…you need…"

Tyson averted his gaze, and looked downward, unwilling to look into my eyes when he told me whatever he was going to spit out. His eyes widened a bit. "Hey…what happened to your arm?"

Looking at my left arm, I noted that some gauze was poking out. "Nothing," I replied coolly, shoving my sleeve down further. "Get on with what you were saying."

Tyson peered up at me strangely. "Therapy," he mumbled, "That's what we think you need." He turned his eyes back to the door nervously.

I was surprised by what I just heard.

'Therapy? Am I truly that messed up? Fuck…who am I kidding? Of course I'm that messed up. Fucking hell.'

"Great," I said cynically, "now leave."

"Will you do it?"

"No. Leave."

"Kai…you need it. You need help." He seemed to be getting more confident in his words.

"No. Leave."

"Come on, Kai. It's for your own good."

"You don't give a shit about me, so stop pestering me and fuck off." I was a bit startled with how quickly I became agitated.

That must have startled Tyson, too, because he gazed at me, bug-eyed, for a second. But he seemed to regain his poise as he stood up, looking me directly in the eye. "We do give a shit, and you're going to therapy whether you want to or not, because we all know it's for your own good."

I glared at him, hard.

"Kai, what happened to your arm?" he asked sternly. I glared harder.

"Go away, Tyson."

"No. What happened to your arm?"

I remained silent and glaring.

He turned his head stubbornly, crossing his arms in defiance to show me he wasn't moving until I told him. Suddenly, he turned and moved toward the wall, squatting and staring at something. It only occurred to me what he had spotted when he gasped.

"Get out of this room," I ordered before he could speak.

"Holy shit…." Tyson looked up at me disbelievingly. "Holy shit."

"Go away."

"No." He stood up, and our eyes locked again. "Kai, you need help. Please, _please_ go to therapy." He said this all with such conviction this time, I was feeling persuaded.

'I do need help. And Tyson wants me to get help. But I can't…'

I realized that I didn't know why I was so against going to therapy. Maybe it was because I was so stuck inside my emotions, I didn't think there was truly any way I could be helped. Besides, I didn't want to pour out the contents of my heart for some stranger to prod and dissect.

'But I could do it, I could…for Tyson...'

I didn't tell Tyson of my newly swayed opinion.

"Go away," I said again, desiring private time to think all this over.

"No, Kai, not until—"

"Go away."

Our eyes remained locked, and to my surprise, tears formed in Tyson's eyes.

"Fine," he said quietly. He stalked out of my room then, granting my desire. Though, I wished he was holding me in his arms…that he understood my pain…that he wasn't feeling pain because of me…that he loved me more than a friend loves.

I sat on my bed, by myself again, thinking over the possibility of going to therapy. I believed with conviction that Tyson was the only thing that could cure me of my pain, but perhaps therapy of some sort could aid in soothing away my emotional suffering.

So mentally, I agreed to give therapy a try. After all, I was so fucked up I might as well have someone to examine my burden of emotions, though it would be mostly fruitless.

'How can anyone help me, especially some stranger? But maybe they can; Tyson can, somehow. Even if he didn't come to speak with me out of his own free will…I know he cares about me.'

I smirked, knowing somehow I would get Tyson. He cared about me, after all, more than the others did.

I gaped at the bloodied razor blade lying on the floor.

'No more of that…not today.'

Tyson's POV

"What the hell is wrong with Kai?" I muttered angrily to myself. "I don't want him hurting himself like that. Can't he see we're worried about him? He's flat-out refusing our help and the help of a pro!"

I sighed with exasperation, wandering outside. I slumped down against a tree, scowling at the world and swatting away the hot tears trickling from my eyes. This whole thing with Kai was getting to me; I was worried about him, but I didn't know what to do, and the fact that he didn't want us to do anything for him got on my nerves.

"I know he's not always willing to accept help, but can't he see he really needs it now? He's not an idiot!" I growled. "Why is he tormenting himself with all of this? I know he liked Tala, but…well, and Ray too…man…damn it. Why does this have to be so complicated?"

My anger at Kai morphed into sympathy.

"What'sgoing through his mind?" I wondered aloud.

The complexity of this situation only flustered me, so I decided I would cease my thinking on the matter, and turn to Ray, Max, and Kenny about it later.

A ray of sunshine beamed through the dark, gray clouds in my mind, then: Hilary. Her essence floating around my mind was enough to soothe me and make me feel happier.

'What would it be like to kiss her? Kiss her on those soft, pink lips. Man…they're just calling to me...'

I sighed again. "Seriously," I mumbled, "I should do something about this whole Hilary thing. I should just talk to her. She's apparently not getting the message: I love her. Sheesh!"

Feeling a bit brighter, I shoved thoughts of Kai to the back of my mind, and I lifted myself to go inside.

* * *

Please review! Love ya!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	8. Chapter Seven

Heylo! Whattup? Thank you to **Hutchy**, **Mistress-of-eternal-darkness**, and **Chiyoko Kazuko** for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.

Chapter Seven

Kenny's POV

It was the evening of the day Tyson had spoken to Kai about attending therapy. Ray had prepared Tyson, Max, Kai, Hilary, himself, and I a meal, a bit sloppier than usual. But that was understandable; he seemed just as stressedas the rest of us--maybe more.

None of us had seen Tyson this afternoon, after he spoke with Kai, so we were all eager to know of Kai's response to going to therapy. Judging by the facts that 1) Kai was not present at dinner and 2) Tyson had a scowl on his face, I assumed that Kai refused.

As soon as we sat down with full plates, Tyson blurted out, "He cuts himself."

We all stared at him. Each of us knew who he was talking about.

"What?" Ray inquired incredulously. His voice cracked a bit, as if this sudden revelation was too much for him. It was a lot to swallow, and I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Kai…cuts himself. I saw the razor blade…the stupid…fucking…razor blade," Tyson grumbled harshly. He stabbed his piece of chicken with his fork, hard.

None of us said a word; we just gazed at random objects or people.

Finally, Ray spoke up.

"This…is getting worse and worse, guys." He turned to Tyson. "He won't go to therapy, will he?" I dreaded the answer to that question.

"He didn't agree…just commanded me to leave him alone," Tyson replied, setting his fork down and taking a deep breath.

"Maybe…," Hilary piped up but then trailed off. All of us looked over to her. With the pressure on her, I suppose she felt she should continue. "Maybe…we _should_ just leave him alone."

"What?" Tyson asked disbelievingly.

Hilary half-shrugged. "If he doesn't want help…we can't force it on him, Tyson," she answered, more quietly than before.

"That is true," Ray agreed.

Tyson scowled some more.

"He'll be okay, Tyson," Max, ever-optimistic, reassured him. But I'm not so sure the fair-haired believed that himself.

After that, we all ate in silence.

When we were finished, Hilary wandered off to the living room to watch some television. Tyson sat at the table, contemplating something. Max and I helped Ray with the dishes.

"So, guys. Um, should we tell the All Starz to forget about coming right now since we're having this whole problem with Kai?" inquired Max uncertainly.

Ray nearly dropped the plate he was wiping dry. "Say what?"

Some anxiety swept through Max's eyes. "You did remember the All Starz are coming the day after tomorrow?"

Ray set the plate down and leaned against the counter. "Brilliant…," he muttered.

"Ray," I spoke up, "perhaps it would be best if you got some rest. You've got black circles forming under your eyes, and you seem quite stressed out."

"Who isn't stressed, Kenny?" he snapped, closing his eyes and cradling his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, turning back to scrubbing a dish.

"No, _I'm _sorry," Ray said. "You're right, too. I haven't been getting enough sleep, I know, but I'm just so…flustered."

"Go catch some sleep or something, Ray," Max said, taking the drying towel from Ray's hands.

"Thanks, guys," Ray said, forcing a small smile onto his lips.

"No problem," Max and I replied simultaneously.

Ray ambled through the doorway and off up the stairs.

later

Max, Tyson, and Hilary had headed off to bed, and Kai's door was shut tightly. I was sitting at the kitchen table, typing away on Dizzi in search of some decent though inexpensive therapy that could help Kai if he wanted to give therapy a try.

Ray strolled into the kitchen as I was taking a sip from my glass of water.

"Oh…," he started, "hey, Chief. Wasn't expecting anyone else to be up at midnight."

I shrugged, and set my cup down. "You should be getting sleep, Ray."

"I know…but I can't fall asleep." Ray poured himself a glass of milk and sat down in the chair next to me.

"What are you up to?" he inquired, gazing at the computer screen.

"I'm searching for some therapeutic sessions Kai could use, if he wants to," I answered, shifting my vision to the wall.

Silence was Ray's reply. After a bit, I started looking through Internet pages again, hoping to spot something worthwhile for someone in Kai's condition that we could afford.

"Kenny? Can I tell you something?" Ray asked.

"Sure, Ray." I gave him my undivided attention.

He stared into my eyes for a moment that seemed an eternity. It was as if he was searching for information that could tell him if I was trustworthy enough to hear what he was about to say, or as if he was looking for a way to know if I was ready to receive whatever he was going to tell me.

"Kai…is…bulimic," he stated finally.

It took a moment for this to register in my mind.

'Bulimic…?'

The intensity in Ray's stare told me this was no joke. The realization of how serious this whole problem with Kai was hit me like a bullet between the eyes.

"Oh," was all I could muster.

Ray finally tore that gaze from my eyes, and stared at the wall in front of us distantly.

"I…don't know what to do, Kenny. What can we do?" Ray's voice was cracking, as if he were about to cry. "I'm so confused…he's in so much pain…so much torment…but in his head, so we can't stop it. I don't know what to do…."

A single, crystal teardrop trickled down Ray's cheek. He stroked it away, and turned his eyes back to meet mine. This time, I could see his pain clearly; I could tell what he was feeling from a mere look into his eyes. I saw despondence, confusion, helplessness…. It was almost overwhelming.

"God, Kenny. I feel so much. Please, I need someone to talk to."

"Go ahead," I mumbled, wanting to be there for my friend. "Tell me what you need to."

Ray started rambling about Tyson liking Hilary, Hilary liking Kai, hell knows what going through Kai's mind…. He told me about how he didn't want the All Starz to come and see our team in such a condition, but he didn't want totell them not to come,because Max seemed so excited about it. By the time he was finished, it was almost as if I could understand some of his heart.

When Ray was finished speaking, I was speechless. Somehow, I managed out, "You…you know…so much…about their lives right now. They must be confident that you're trustworthy to confide in you."

I gave Ray a smile, a small way to let him know I cared.

"Thanks, Kenny. For listening and all. I needed that."

"Of course."

Ray returned my smile with one of his own.

Ray's POV

I laid everything—well, almost everything—on Kenny. I didn't tell him about Kai opening his heart up to me when we were together.

It felt good to get that off my chest, though I still had the burden of it all; some of it was gone, though.

Kenny and I exchanged smiles, but all that was just revealed was nothing to smile about. I knew he wouldn't tell a soul what I told him, and that he would help me with this burden.

I stood, and placed my empty glass in the sink. As I sauntered back up the stairs, I thought about how any of this whole escapade with Kai may have turned out if only I had stayed with him…but for once, for today, I shoved that to the back of my mind.

That night, I got more sleep than some of the previous.

---

I know they eat with chopsticks in Japan…but oh well. Forks are okay, eh? I don't think you could stab things very well with chopsticks, though. I wouldn't know.

Please review!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	9. Chapter Eight

Hey, everyone! Sorry for the really long wait…I've been having evil blockage with this story…and then I sort of thought it sucked in every way…but hey, those of you who reviewed really inspired me to attempt to write this next chapter. _beams_

Thank you to **Hutchy **(thanks for that idea…), **Darks Light **(thanks for all your kind words, they really made my day…), and **CreativeChilde** (it's always cool to get nice reviews from authors who rock…) for reviewing!

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade; it belongs to Aoki Takao.

Chapter Eight

Max's POV

I would have been so enthused about the All Starz coming tomorrow, but my joy was dampened with all of the personal issues with Kai. I suggested to Ray we tell them they can come another time, but Ray told me to forget about it. He reasoned they would want to know why their visit was suddenly cancelled, and that Kai was normally quiet anyway.

I woke up early, and meandered down the desolate hallways to the kitchen. I felt so isolated in the silence with nothing but my thoughts. I sat down quietly with my breakfast, and ate by myself.

I finished and cleaned up, then headed back down the hallway to see why no one else was up yet. I thought for sure at least Kai would be up. I wondered if suicidal thoughts mess with your sleeping patterns.

Nervously, I stopped in front of my captain's door and knocked hesitantly. No answer came, so I tried again, and softly called Kai's name. Minutes later, I still got no response. I was afraid by what I might see if I opened the door, but I forced myself to do so anyway, with a call of "I'm coming in".

To my surprise, the room was empty. I stood in the doorway, visually scanning the entirety of the room to make sure Kai wasn't there. My interest peaked, but I told myself it was no business of mine to snoop around in Kai's room—or anyone's room, for that matter.

I turned around on my heel and gasped when I saw Hilary behind me. She had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

"Maxie? What were you doing in Kai's room?" she asked inquisitively with a hint of anger.

"I just wanted to know where he was. I haven't seen him all morning, and I figured he would be in his room." I looked over my shoulder at the empty room. "But he's not."

Hilary's arms dropped to her sides and relaxed, and her face brightened. "Oh. I thought you were going to go through his stuff or something."

"Oh, no. But I was thinking about it," I admitted with a sheepish smile.

Hilary returned my smile. "Well, don't. Anyone else up yet?"

I shrugged. "Not so far as I know."

She nodded. "I'm gonna get some breakfast, then." She strolled off down the hall.

I closed Kai's door lightly, and went off to Tyson's room. I knocked on the door, calling for him.

I heard him groan, and then mumble, barely audible, "Five more minutes…or hours…yeah…hours..."

A small chuckle came to my lips. "Tyson! Can I come in?"

"Whatever…."

I swished open the door and stepped inside, clicking it closed behind me. Tyson was laying, sprawled out, on his bed, eyes closed. One of his eyes opened a slit. "Heya, Maxie."

"'Morning."

"Why are you getting me up so early?"

"It's nine, Tyson."

"That's nice."

"Isn't it?"

"Mm-hm."

"C'mon, Ty, don't you want to get an 'early' start on the day?"

"Fine, if you're so insistent." Tyson sat up and yawned, flexing his arms. "Let me change my clothes."

With a smile and a nod, I wandered down the hallway, leaving Tyson by himself and wondering if he would actually get out of bed.

Ray and Kenny weren't in their rooms, but I found them in the kitchen with Hilary. Tyson came in soon after.

Tyson questioned of no one in particular, "Where's Kai at?"

We all shrugged in response, getting a bit downtrodden at the mention of our friend.

"What if…he's…well…he could be trying…or he could be…" Tyson couldn't get the words off his tongue.

"You don't think he would try to…," Hilary trailed off, too.

Everyone was silent.

"Maybe we should have been supervising him," Kenny whispered.

Kai's POV

I got up early the next morning, around five AM. Everyone was probably sleeping peacefully, but I didn't really care what they were doing.

I shut the door of the bathroom and flicked on the lights, blinking to adjust my eyes to the new light. I stared closely at myself in the mirror, examining every inch and detail of my body. I noted the faded black semi-circles underneath my crimson eyes. Feeling my abdomen, I knew I was seriously underweight.

Switching off the light again, I left the bathroom. My stomach yearned for food, I realized, but I refused to eat, even if Ray wasn't worth pleasing anymore; after all, there was still Tyson.

At the door, I slipped on my sneakers, made sure to flip on the hood of my sweatshirt for a rudimentary disguise, and headed outside. The early morning air was crisp, but warmth still lingered. The stars were fading into the sky as it gradually turned blue, and the sun was peering over the horizon. But I wasn't truly interested in the scenery as I jogged down the deserted sidewalk, searching for a particular type of facility.

The sun had ascended quite a ways when I finally discovered a mental therapy office. I inwardly glared, angry at myself for sinking to this level of seeking help from a stranger. But I reminded myself that it would help, and that I was willing to before. Even if that was all desperation because of Tyson.

The lobby of the therapy building was not too lavishly decorated; it seemed average. Price didn't matter really; I was the grandson of a billionaire.

A receptionist sat behind a polished desk, sorting through papers or something. She gazed up at me with deep mahogany eyes.

"May I help you, young man?" she inquired in a soothing voice.

"I need to see a therapist," I stated bluntly, my tone in all it's usual cold glory.

She questioned me further as to my intentions, asking me the kind of a treatment I required. Eventually, she handed me some papers and a pen told me to fill it all out.

I sat in one of the chairs in the lobby, and pondered what the point of a disguise was if I was going to have to give away all of my personal information. I decided to use a pseudonym for a first name, so I scribbled down 'Alexander Hiwatari'. The rest of the information was completely true.

Twenty minutes later, she took the papers and pen back, and I scheduled an appointment for the next available time,a week from this day.

I scowled at the world, disbelieving that I was actually going to go through with this.

later

Quietly, I entered the dojo, only to find everyone sitting anxiously in the living room. They all looked up, relief washing over all of their features.

Ray stood up. "Kai, where have you been?"

I put on a mask of indifference, so no one could read my emotions. I forced myself not to glare at the Chinese boy, as much as I would have liked to. Instead, I tugged at the sleeves of my sweatshirt and muttered, "Out."

"Obviously you've been out," Tyson said, a bit heatedly.

I couldn't help but gaze at the navy-haired teen. He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You alright?"

No words came out of my mouth.

Uncomfortable silence descended, and I studied Tyson openly, who still was staring at me with a cocked eyebrow. Finally, I pulled my gaze from him, only to notice Hilary intently watching me. I swore when she looked away, there was a blush on her cheeks. And I remembered that stupid note Ray had given me days before.

I gawked at Hilary, wondering why on Earth she liked me. Didn't she realized I felt attraction to males?

"Why do you keep staring at Hilary?" Tyson suddenly said defensively, breaking the silence.

I looked back at him, but I noticed Hilary keenly watching me once again, obviously eager to know the answer to that as well.

Something possessed me then,something thatmade me speak very uncharacteristically. I think it was because I felt so lost, I didn't really care if the world heard my feelings for Tyson. "I was just wondering why she doesn't notice that I'm homosexual and don't give a damn about her in the least."

Hilary and Tyson gasped sharply.

Realization seemed to cross the brunette girl's face. Disgust was the only thing on Tyson's.

"But I do rather like someone else," I continued, my mind screaming at me all the while to shut the hell up.

"Get over Tala already, Kai!" exclaimed Tyson loudly, standing up and balling his fists. He turned to Hilary. "And just ignore him! There are other boys out there, ones that are actually straight, that might like you, you know!" His face flushed pink and he diverted his gaze to the floor.

I could feel pieces of my already broken heart explode and vanish, realizing Tyson…liked…Hilary.

Feeling as if I had made such a fool of myself, I stalked out of the room, striding in my usual way, though I knew I was noticeably slouching. Disregarding Ray's calls, I ascended the stairs and entered my room, not bothering to shut the door behind me; I was too confused.

'Tyson hates me…I should have known. Everybody hates me now. No point in going to that therapy.'

I lifted the razor blade from its spot near the wall, still stained with rust-colored blood. I sat on my bed and pulled my left pant leg up. For a moment, I examined the bare, untouched skin, but I proceeded to slitit with the blade.

I gritted my teeth against the sudden sensation—the sudden pain—but I also relished in the relief the feeling of having my blood well up under my self-inflicted wound. Why this pathetic action eased me into contentment and bid away my undesirable emotions, I have no idea.

Again, I created a new cut, watching, fascinated, as life's liquid threatened to spill.

"Kai?" a completely shocked voice came from the doorway, breaking into my mental tranquility. Looking up, I saw Ray—the one I once loved but now hated—standing in my doorway. "Kai?"

"Leave me alone, Ray," I blurted.

"…No." Amazed, Ray gawked at my fresh cuts. I allowed my gaze to settle in his preoccupied eyes, and I searched for some hint at his emotions. Once again, his voice cut into my thoughts.

"How long have you been doing this?"

I gave no reply, simply because I couldn't recall when I began cutting.

The neko-jin stalked in, closing the door loudly behind him.

"Kai, I'm just going to say this bluntly. And it's the truth. So listen up," he began, ogling me and my cuts. I glared at him. Ignoring this, he continued, "I don't know what's running through your head, but whatever it is, is making you do self-hazardous things. None of us want to see you suffer, Kai, so please, don't do this."

We made eye contact; I was still glaring, he looked sincere and pleading.

Apparently, he saw that I wasn't convinced. "Kai," he persisted, "please. Do you think Tala would want you to do this to yourself?"

The razor clacked to the floor, abandoned, as I stood up, my glare intensifying.

"Do _not_ talk about Tala, Ray," I growled contemptuously. Scenarios of all the painful things I could inflict upon Ray flew through my mind. But, for some reason unknown to me, I forced myself to just stay in my place, glaring.

The Chinese boy slightly wavered, pausing briefly. "Kai…we don't want you to continue hurting yourself. Please believe me when I say that we are worried about you."

Ray held steady eye contact with me, not faltering with his gaze for an instant, proving to me that he was sincere. Still unsure I could trust him, I made no response. But I did lighten my glare to a scowl.

Heaving a sigh, Ray diverted his amber stare to my bleeding cuts. "C'mon, Kai, you need to clean and bandage those."

Slowly, I produced gauze from a drawer.

"You need to clean those," Ray said.

"Leave me alone," I muttered, sitting back down.

"No, Kai, you need to clean those cuts," he insisted.

Unexpectedly, he grabbed the gauze from my hands.

"Come on, I'll help you," stated Ray plainly. He scooped up the blade and walked to the doorway, turning back to meet my eyes again.

Reluctantly, I got up and followed him to the bathroom, feeling degraded and pathetic.

'At least I don't love him anymore.'

Ray flicked on the lights and shut the door behind us. Setting the items he held on the counter, he asked, "Have you been cleaning your other cuts?"

"…No."

Ray gave me a concerned look. "You should be."

No reply.

"Where else have you cut yourself?"

I glared again, crossing my arms defiantly.

"Show me," he demanded.

Grudgingly, I pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt up. Ray's eyes widened a bit. "Oh, boy…," he muttered under his breath.

"Well, let's start with your leg," said the Chinese teen. He pointed at the toilet, and I sat on it with a glare.

Ray's POV

Kai kept glaring at me, and that didn't make me too comfortable. But I persisted anyway in cleaning his cuts.

First, I pulled his pant leg up, and washed the two slits with hot water and soap. Kai scowled, and restlessly shifted his leg a bit at first. When I completed that task, I dried the injuries and wrapped them with fresh gauze.

Standing, I commanded that he roll up his sweatshirt sleeves, and he complied, glaring. I noted that he was just keeping his eyes on me, intense glower on his face, and I read 'hate' all over his features. With a sigh, I knew that it was understandable if he hated me; after all, I had left him when he obviously needed me. Not that at the time I realized just how much he needed me. Still….

I unraveled the gauze, covered with rust-colored speckles, and was quite relieved to discover that none of the cuts seemed infected. Carefully, I cleaned each cut. Kai gritted his teeth against the pain.

Finally, each cut was cleaned and re-bandaged. Kai was glowering at me again, and as soon as I finished, he stood.

"Don't…ever do that again."

With those kind words of parting, Kai left the bathroom and strode toward his bedroom again.

God…I need a break….

* * *

That thing with Ray cleaning Kai's cuts was an idea of a faithful reviewer. So, thank you, Hutchy, for giving me that idea! Hope ya don't mind me using it. ;)

Okie, I've contemplated, and I know what the next few chapters are going to be about. You all will just have to wait and see though. ;) And the ending is planned in my mind too, I can't wait to write it. Now I just have to figure out how to string it all together….

Please review…my confidence needs to be further renewed in this fic if it is to continue! I was going to post this chapter and then just discontinue this fic--I've really lost interest. But reading this over and editing it, I've got rejuvenated resolve! Really, I don't know why, but this chapter made me want to continue. So I hope you guys liked it, please tell me!

have a nice day

CyborgRockStar


	10. AN

Hello everyone!

I'm sorry, but "Loneliness and Love" is going to be discontinued. I did have some ideas for it, but it really didn't have much in the way of plotline. In retrospect, it's not very well-written or laid out. And, in all honesty, I've lost most of my interest in it.

I enjoyed writing it while it lasted, but my interests have moved on to other stories. I'm really sorry if there was anyone who wanted to see "LAL" continued.

Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed and given me support! Each review means the world to me—they make me so happy. Thank you so much!

God Bless, and have a wonderful day!

CyborgRockStar


End file.
